Wow grad school is stressful - I cried over cookie dough
Posted by Candice on April 4, 2009 at 6:03 pm
So yes, I’m in the process of making some cookies and I cried because I got to eat the batter. There is a back story though, I’m not completely crazy. It’s a bit of a long post, but a huge part of my life that I haven’t shared, but feel ready to now.
A few years ago I started having weird stomach/digestive problems. I gave up eating wheat and the problem went away. That is, until about a year ago. Since then I have been doing EVERYTHING to try and figure out what is wrong. It’s been a long a frustrating process, particularly because I like eating so much.
As part of this process I did a six week elimination diet starting in January where I didn’t eat anything with gluten, dairy, soy, corn, egg, peanuts, strawberries, melons, red meat, shellfish, dried fruit, caffeine, nightshade vegetables (tomato, potato, pepper, eggplant), citrus, bananas, and any kind of sugar. It was frustrating at times, but a really worthwhile process in showing me the relationships I have with certain foods and letting me explore some new foods and recipes that I now love (mmmmm tahini!). It did not however completely heal my symptoms. So, I began to reintroduce some of the seemingly harmless foods and stayed away from the five big allergens for another few weeks. Eventually I had reintroduced most of the foods and found that I had reactions to both gluten and egg. I’m not sure if they are the cause of my problems, but I’m staying away from them for now just in case.
It’s been quite aggravating to avoid foods that I’m not even sure are causing my problems, particularly when they are in everything and the cheapest sources of grain and protein around. However, I’m trying to come to terms with it until I start to feel consistently better and can try to reintroduce them again.
This might sound easy, particularly because I’ve been avoiding wheat for years, but when it’s York’s birthday and there is free cake and waffels for everybody, its very upsetting - I ended up going home and eating a chocolate chip cookie (that Tom had made) out of spite and was sick for a few days. After that incident, I decided that it was time for me to suck it up and start doing my own gluten-free baking. I’ve avoided this for years because it is much more expensive than conventional baking and all the support is for celiacs - which I haven’t been diagnosed with and just can’t seem to identify with. However, after a trip to our favourite natural foods store I had a great revelation. Both flour and eggs need to be cooked to be edible, so maybe I can find some support in the raw food community. And, turns out, I can! And it also turns out that there are a lot of gluten-free, vegans who also have the same dietary restrictions.
So, a few days ago I made some raw banana, date macaroons that were awesome, but I was still craving that baked-good texture. Eventually I will invest in a good “cook”book, food processor and dehydrator so I can make more interestingly textured raw food, but for now I decided to invest in some gluten free baking supplies and give them a try.
This all resulted in me making cookies today. I mixed up the batter and licked the spoon without having to worry that I would be poisoned by it. I was so happy. It is the first time in years I have been able to do that (aside from licking the beaters from a chocolate cake mix on my birthday). I cried.
Oh, and I just reviewed the post and decided that I needed to add this clause.
Note: Please do not worry that Tom and I are eating poorly because of my weird diet. We eat incredibly. Last week we had white bean and apple chili, cinnamon tofu sweet potato, this incredible vegetable adzuki bean pie, polenta fries, and a billion different salads and vegetables (5-10 a day!!). We avoid pre-made anything and HFCS like the plague! Tom also eats all kinds o’ wheat and eggs!
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